What mess?

I dont want you back to date. At least not right now. And Im happy, I really am. But I still miss your smile, your kisses, your affection. Im conflicted. I realized that I do enjoy being single, and maybe I should be single for a while, yet I still want you. I just enjoy your presence is all. I miss you taking care of me. Perhaps its because I havent taken care of myself by myself in so long. Maybe I just want you to miss me. I just want to cross your mind from time to time. But then I still wouldn’t feel your love. Remember when you loved me and I loved you and life was so good? We were on top of the world, everyones favorite couple, everyones best friends, we were infinite. Its hard getting over the fact that you are gone, even if I don’t want you back. I don’t want to worry anymore about what you are keeping from me or doing without me, its to much stress and I can’t deal with it. But I want to come back to your house everyday after school and go to lunch with you and snuggle with you and sleep with you and play with you. I miss our activities, the things that we did. Why must the hard choices be the ones that impact our lives the most? Should I wait for you to come back to me or should I carry on? Can I do both? I’m managing right now I suppose, but tomorrow is going to be a new day, full of regrets, fears, and insecurities, and for the first time in a long time, I have to face them on my own.